Bloody Imprints 

The imprint you left on my cheek, 

bleeds 

open-wounded by your sharp tongue,

your harsh words that left me tongue-tied

When I spoke though, I spat true words,

the only words that I could conjure but 

you shot them down:

“damn lies,” you called them 

These moist walls keep renewing 

your ghost-like presence with

the bitter saliva of it slowly melting my 

taste buds into infinity holes 

Is that what you wanted, 

to leave me like a broken-winged bird?

you were always so selfish and now,

you’ve rid me from tasting any other love but

Yours.

- Christian Benavides

Cold Bones

   I realize you’re running with the wolves
  Into the midnight- 
 Our time, where I held your hand tight
As you cried, “It hurts to love you” 

There was a time where Maps
 Were written in stars not states,
  Eyes were not lost but free, 
   Paths were not paved but destroyed

   I showed you such a map, 
  With no clear directions
 As there were no planned destinations
But places, waiting to be explored

We spent the summers in bed,
 Our sweaty bodies content laying 
  Next to each other
   -Those were the best times of our lives

   Those nights you spent laughing 
  Drawing red hearts around constellations,
 Pushing your hair back behind your ear 
And sighing out milky ways of uncertainty 

Those red hearts of cherry lipstick, 
 The strands of black hair- 
  Kept stuck in my pockets
   Kept me gravitating- for a Time 

   But now I sit on this bed
  These summer nights-
 Weighing down on me
Onto this mattress imprinted with your body

I had many places to go, 
 Named some after you
  But now they sit bare-
   Shriveled and broken down

   These four walls, 
  They saw the solar systems we drew on each other
 Tried to contain them and keep us grounded-
Now they sag like deflated balloons 

“I can feel your bones,” you said the last night
 While you caressed my ribs. 
  With your infinity eyes, that 
   Kept me lost for days 

   God, my only wish- 
  To have felt your bones that night
 To have kept a memory of them, so 
My bones, my cold bones, would stop shaking. 

By Christian Benavides 

Fuck you 

is all I want to do. 

Reach in to you

touch your barriers and knock them down. 

Pull your heartstrings 

Tear your insecurities apart. 

Feel this

My writing, 

it screams for you 

Quiver 

 your lips

press upon my lines 

as I press upon your spine 

To trace your soul

  touch

    and 

      caress.

-You

Sweat

drown me in the flavor

 of your inner workings 

My fingers 

dance

Lub-dub

faster

Lub-dub, Lub-dub

Quicker

Lub-dub, Lub-dub, Lub-dub

UNCONTROLLABLY 

Lub-dubLud-dubLub-dubLub-dub

Pause

Don’t release me

Bury me

Overcome me

Fucking touch me

    bring me to life

as i dig my nails 

into

 into

   into 

-your veins 

Cold rivers of Red

Tangle me, bite-

Inject it  poison me  

Hurt me,

Something! 

I’ve dug, built, maintained

The Torch 

Kept the fire burning 

Penetrated through icebergs

until

-you spilled your fear 

now

Complete me

Finish me 

At least 

pleasure me 

-my love,

Fuck you

By Christian Benavides 

November 12, 2012- Ramblings

The Future. That's where all my focus is. I want to be as successful as possible. My mind is constantly turning and turning fueled by my dreams but so much so that my vision for the present is foggy. I haven't been seeing the world around me clearly and it feels like I'm not really living. My life has become almost mediocre. I can say I'm happy, I can say that I am doing fine, I can say many things but I really don't know what I am right now. I don't believe is necessarily a bad thing. Though, as I keep writing, I'm realizing that there is something I do know. There is a void in myself that is painful. It's a longing for intimacy. I've been so alone for so long and all I want is that special someone. I want to share my everything for once even if it's for a short period of time. I want to look at that girl whom with one stare, erases all concept of time. But I guess it's not the right time for that. This hazy reality that I look at everyday is ugly. But I realize I'm in metamorphosis. I am changing, molding, growing for my future. It's definitely painful to see my present shrivel up and rot. I've given up all emotions just for my future. I just really hope it turns out well. I don't want to go through all this numbness I'm putting myself through just to be disappointed. I'm tired of being disappointed. 

I thought putting them away would work. I dug the biggest hole possible and buried them. I guess,  nothing is ever gone no matter what you do. It’ more present when you can’t feel it because there is always that guilt that you were too tired to deal with it. But I just couldn’t. So each day I carry this big load and every day I become a little colder, a bit more broken. It’s hard to carry the corpses of my emotions but that’s life and life doesn’t forgive anybody.