November 12, 2012- Ramblings

The Future. That's where all my focus is. I want to be as successful as possible. My mind is constantly turning and turning fueled by my dreams but so much so that my vision for the present is foggy. I haven't been seeing the world around me clearly and it feels like I'm not really living. My life has become almost mediocre. I can say I'm happy, I can say that I am doing fine, I can say many things but I really don't know what I am right now. I don't believe is necessarily a bad thing. Though, as I keep writing, I'm realizing that there is something I do know. There is a void in myself that is painful. It's a longing for intimacy. I've been so alone for so long and all I want is that special someone. I want to share my everything for once even if it's for a short period of time. I want to look at that girl whom with one stare, erases all concept of time. But I guess it's not the right time for that. This hazy reality that I look at everyday is ugly. But I realize I'm in metamorphosis. I am changing, molding, growing for my future. It's definitely painful to see my present shrivel up and rot. I've given up all emotions just for my future. I just really hope it turns out well. I don't want to go through all this numbness I'm putting myself through just to be disappointed. I'm tired of being disappointed.